5 Financial Facts to Know Before Starting a Serious Relationship

They say all you need is love. In the early days of a relationship, with the proverbial butterflies in our stomachs, money might not be at the top of our minds. But, sooner or later, finances become a key factor affecting the chemistry between a couple! 

Here’s the reality… financial stress is the leading cause of divorce in America. Yikes!

Why? Well, you can work hard to get ahead financially by completing all the steps we teach in our ultimate finance course, but then get in a wrong relationship just to see your fruits evaporate. 

As we’ve discussed before, a financially irresponsible partner can inflict serious damage to your financial and emotional stability.

So how do you protect and build those assets while also building a long, healthy life with your partner?  Well, it starts with having an open, honest dialogue about money. This post talks about the 5 financial topics you must know about your partner before committing to a serious relationship. 

Factor #1: Attitudes towards money

Winston Churchill said, “attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” But why does it matter so much? 

Your partner’s attitude towards money will dictate how they earn, spend, save, and manage debt. 

Simply put: their financial decisions can directly impact every part of your life. It’s true that money makes the world go round. It pays for the gas in your car, the groceries in your refrigerator, and the flowers in your wedding.

But here’s a surprising statistic: Americans overall find it harder to discuss personal finance than religion or politics, according to a Wells Fargo survey. This is particularly true for women in relationships. (Women, just remember you are an equal partner in this financial relationship! Get and stay engaged on personal finance issues.) 

If this is you, you’re not off to a good start in establishing a healthy relationship built on communication, trust, and transparency. Sorry! How are you going to know your partner’s attitude towards money if you can’t talk about it? (P.S. What else can’t you talk about…?)

Financial behaviors are ingrained over time, so the key is to identify and be aware of them early in the relationship, so you can evolve if need be. For example, if you've perpetually focused on setting financial goals and being fiscally disciplined while your partner has historically been a happy-go-lucky spendthrift, these differences could easily snowball into resentment and a major conflict - if left undiscussed. 

How do you prevent that? Start by asking them simple questions: 

• How did your parents manage money when you were going up? Did they talk to you about it? 
• Were your parents equal partners in finances? Do you believe they should be?
• How do you typically budget your money now?
• How do you feel about saving for the future versus spending now?
• Is financial transparency important to you? What does that look like? 

The quicker and earlier you rip off the bandaid and start talking about money, the easier it is - trust us!

Factor #2: Is marriage part of the plan? 

Couples who are married have more protections in place than couples that cohabitate, so it’s crucial to be aware of this and on the same page. 

Americans are moving in together at higher rates and getting married at lower rates. But here’s a little secret for you: married couples are 4x as wealthy as unmarried couples who live together AND they have better legal protections in place. 

Why is that? Well, working with two incomes and combining investments maximizes compound interest, which builds your wealth more quickly than with cohabiting couples. Married couples also enjoy more social security benefits, tax breaks, retirement options, and cheaper insurance. 

Cohabitating couples can’t tap into most of these perks, and they also don’t have the same legal rights as married couples in the event of death or separation.

There’s no debate that getting married makes more financial sense than cohabitating, but don’t do it just for that reason.

It needs to be a HEALTHY marriage where there is mutual respect, trust, and transparency–regardless of who’s making the money. Because if you don’t, it could end up undoing all of your financial work instead of building wealth! 

A Bankrate survey from early 2024 revealed that 42% of U.S. adults in relationships say they’ve kept a financial secret (primarily bank accounts and credit cards) from their significant other, citing a need for financial privacy, desire to control their own finances, or simply not wanting to share. 

This ties closely back to the first factor –views on money–that needs to be discussed thoroughly so no financial infidelity is occurring, especially in marriage. That is how separation and divorces happen.

Factor #3: Financial goals and vision 

Raise your hand if you want to be financially stable! I’m pretty sure that’s all of us. It starts with getting on the same page together and putting a financial plan in place. 

Financial goals are often tied to relationship goals, like getting engaged or married, buying a house, starting a family, and retirement. These are crucial things to be on the same page about. We hate to tell this, but when your major financial goals are not aligned with those of your partner, your relationship is headed for serious conflict. 

Shockingly, 42% report having no detailed financial plan in place, and for the ones that do, more than one-third of couples report disagreements on their upcoming major financial goals, according to multiple studies. 

But studies show that financial compatibility helps in maintaining a healthy relationship while a difference in financial goals leads to stress and conflicts. Discussing financial goals early can help you prevent misunderstandings and navigate through major financial decisions—like saving for a home, managing debt, or planning for retirement—together. 

Have an open conversation with your partner and discuss:

• What is your career trajectory and the salary tied to these jobs? Will it provide a livable wage? 
• How much do we need to make to sustain our lifestyle?
• Who is going to manage the finances on a day-to-day basis? One person? Both? What will that look like? - This is key
• Will you have joint or separate accounts and are you both in agreement on this?
• How often will you talk about finances? 
• What does financial success mean to you all? 
• Where do you want to see yourselves financially 5 or 10 years from now? 
• What financial milestones should you set and how often will you meet to talk about finances? 
• How do you both approach retirement?

Factor #4: Spending and saving habits

Saving is 1 of the 5 key pillars of personal finance. One’s spending habits determine how much one can save each month. 

With about half of Americans (44%) having less than $1,000 in emergency savings, your partner’s spending and saving habits are key financial factors you must discuss (and more importantly OBSERVE) in advance. 

According to a study published by the Journal of Financial Therapy, “marital partners who perceived their significant other as a saver reported a higher level of financial satisfaction.”

This means a propensity to save more not only makes your relationship financially secure, it raises your level of satisfaction as a couple. 

Smart personal financial strategies prioritize saving over spending. It distinguishes between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ to cut the fluff and focus on necessities. Moreover, it teaches you to create a budget and stick to it. 

Before you get too attached to a relationship, discuss these with your partner:

• Do you maintain a written budget? (only 32% of American households prepare a written budget.)
• Do you prioritize saving over spending?  
• How do you plan to meet financial emergencies? 
• What are your views on investing?
• How often do you dine out or spend on luxuries? 
• Are you subscribed to a systematic saving or investing plan?
• Will you have joint or separate bank accounts and will both have equal access to all accounts?

This is probably a good time to talk about financial abuse* quickly. If your significant other increasingly wants to hide or control your ACCESS to money, assets, and resources, that’s a giant red flag you should reconsider the relationship.  

*We are passionate about protecting our clients from financial abuse at uThrive Academy, and go into more detail on this topic in our ultimate finance course!

Factor #5: Debts and liabilities

This factor is tied closely with their saving and spending propensities. If your partner already can’t control their finances and is consistently racking up credit card debt, it’s unlikely they’ll magically change after marriage. 

Although you’re not legally liable for their PRE-MARRIAGE debt, you will be responsible for any additional debt IN marriage if your name is on the account. Each state does things slightly differently though, so it’s important to know what you’re responsible for based on where you live.

It’s important that your name be on at least some accounts to build up YOUR credit, but it’s a double edged sword because that also puts you on the hook for paying it off if you have an irresponsible partner. 

So before you say ‘yes’, know about what you are getting into in terms of debt and financial obligations. 

According to a LendingTree study, a typical American is obligated to shell out $1,583 a month on debt repayment. With an average monthly income of $4,949, this means one-third of one’s income goes straight to repay debt. 

Incurring debt can profoundly affect mental health and relationships. Look at these glaring pieces of statistics from a new survey by Forbes Advisor: 

• 54% of U.S. adults with debt are frequently or consistently stressed. 
• 60% of respondents indicate that financial stress leads to conflict in their relationship.

The bottom line:  Your partner’s debt obligations say a great deal about how they manage their finances, and how they would manage YOUR finances. Plus, a high debt level is a source of contrast stress in relationships. 

At the end of the day, it's important to have these conversations and be willing to learn and grow together in healthy financial habits!

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